I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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