After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
