this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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