AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
