you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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