I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
