You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
