You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
