I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
