No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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