Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
