Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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