I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
