I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
