Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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