your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
