dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
