I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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