The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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