Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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