I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You ruined the universe
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
