sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
