Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
