You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
