well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
