I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
