before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize