OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize