I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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