Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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