so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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