new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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