I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize