My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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