I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
