i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize