Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you made out with another girl for some wings
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
