remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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