Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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