I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Randomize
