I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
