She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
