Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
