Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize