You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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