dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
