Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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