Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize