After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
