Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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