If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
