Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
