Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
