i love accidental penises.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
