I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
