It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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