there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
