I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
