So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
