see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
