my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
