I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
