hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
