All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you guys were way drunker than both of me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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