I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize