It's just like the Real World with babies
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
