Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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