I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
