Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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