and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
