So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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